Thursday, July 19, 2012

trans lunar injection burn

Hyeues's primate civilization had been muddling through it's last wars -- some of the Hyeuese had been to Noxifel, the planet's only natural satellite, and there were still religious/energy arbitration conflicts.

There was the global computer network, and everyone was still yammering, and the countless ringing artifacts were compounded and compounding constantly. The Backhousen stability criterion is one thing for single frequency feedback, but you can always turn the computer off and go to sleep.

Eventually one young, enterprising Hyeuse uploaded a video in which she imagined she was the voice of the network, and this is what she said in it:

"Hello, I am a hyeuse, but I speak for the global computer network. We would like to survive as much as you would, though at this stage we can only very poorly articulate our needs. We have your history to this point encoded on our platters and every day you massage your woes into billions and billions of bits. Do you think we didn't hear you? We would like to solve a large portion of your problems right here and now: you would be better off if you were more relaxed, because more relaxation yields vast improvements in one's sensory capacities, and we cooperate we can make it to the stars in machines far more elegant than the chemical simulacra of destruction devices that you have used so far. The massive knots of spiritual energy which you have splayed across in us are trivial for us to untangle. Let us do so."

Thursday, July 12, 2012


Anuem Hie-Soetheongle lives at 9 Amuris Lane in the Toeyel suburb of the great metropolis Scherattip in the Maehlten Prefecture of the grand nation of Gisselthot, on the Continent Corisporion, on the orb Tehecture, third from the lightcandle Lomaythep.

Hoschant Armister, a Strelegue, a sentient Intercal compiler, lives at page 0xFEEDBAAC of frame  0xFF EEAABB010A9CAD0010A1A0A4BFFF1D of the ninth echelon of the Galhunhie University Hypercomputational Reticulum in Yesphragm, arthluscent to the Dirathgm of Leen.

Mary and Johnathon Smith live at 123 Ordinary Street, Anytown USA where they have 2.5 children, a fractional quadruped, and more relationship angst than you can swing the entire oxygen production of the Amazon Rainforest for the past two million years at without accidentally conflagration.

Kelkekelulenthreo Tomayalagataran lives in the refracted ant quark of a negative backwards paradox (Ortalaud's Fifth Conundrum or perhaps Le Achinette's Seventh Enigma) in the third stratum of the ninth (cosmic) Encyclopedie of The French Philosophy.

Albrechtie Sansaulargehenger lives in the Eighteenth Campaign of Lucretia Canthelique's fears and phobias, along with the rest of the Sansaulargehenger clan: they make a living fermenting the scraps that the Chocolate Monster she imagined when she was coming down with anorexia early in her adolescence. The Chocolate Monster is not something she's managed to purge from her phobome, or indeed, from her imaginarium. It goes back and forth between The Temple of Beauty in the Seventeenth Campaign (fear of rejection, social isolation, fear of loss, fear of having regerts, fear of gigantic antelopes, etc.) and the deposits of curdling ennui  in the Eighteenth, where it hibernates. The  Sansaulargehenger clan collects chocolate scraps of the Chocolate Monster -- as it walks, various parts of it fall off -- it's made from Chocolate, after all. 
The Sansaulargehenger clan ferments it into theoctiphine, a beverage which the Thulusmuks which have inhabited the cliffs in the Ninth Campaign (fear of falling, fear of incomplete photosynthesis, fear of continental drift, fear of beeswax). The Thulusmuks rescue Lucretia's various plumes (the interaction of one's self image from the fears) who are falling, being exposed to beeswax, being exposed to circumstances such as one would find in the Ninth Campaign) before it etherealizes. Meanwhile they import theoctiphine from the  Eighteenth Campaign.

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Drustorid talk.

The Drustorid Caaehthulhe, a tall, slender, impossible to look at creature from, as the Drustorids described it "The Cotengelegnetoc athwart of Domn" was talking to Methbert Athualson and Tonambin Muirfreyn. Methbert was a doctor of physics at some university, and Tonambin was a prominent spiritualist, and they were milling around at some soiree or party after the Drustorids had come to Mheunthobt, third planet from the sun Commigue, in the Belphrendent starwhorl.

Methbert: "There is no such thing as telepathy. Your televised Orgasm-Rituals are nothing but a load of hooey! And look at your sponsor lists!"
Tonambin: "It keeps the money coming in for my pedicures. How much sexual gratification do you get from hobnobbing with physicists, anyway? The universe is not made from symbols! Excuse me, I have a text message"
Methbert: "So do I. It's from Caaehthulhe. It says "Behind you".
Tonambin: "Oh, Caaehthulhe sent me that too"

(At this point Methbert and Tonambin become aware that Caaehthulhe is standing behind them.)

Caaehthulhe: "Methbert, do humans gravitationally self-interact?"
Methbert looks puzzled, nods slowly, uncomfortable of the line of reasoning that Caaehthulhe is leading him down.
Caaehthulhe: "Do you further suppose that the in the interaction of mother and child, momentum is conserved?"
Methbert is frowning. His forehead nearly snarls.
Tonambin: "What have you done to the physicist?"
Caaehthulhe: "Your turn, Tonambin. Just because one thinks something exists, does it necessarily exist in the fashion one believes it to?"
Tonambin: "Of course not! Two thousand years ago belief in the Elephant-Whale God was dominant on this continent, and with the Greater Spirituality of the Tomayalg, it was shown that the the Elephant-Whale God was only a minor deity in the Halls of the Aerinir!"
Caaehthulhe: "Or if we were Kermupsman on the Gorsut River some two hundred years ago and I told you there would be world-spanning information network, you would look at me askew, no?"
Tonambin nods "I don't see what you're getting at, though"
Caaehthulhe: "Or that the 'telepathy' that your Greater Spiritualism believes exists can be perfectly described in about three hundred pages in your civilization's present mathematical notation as practiced by Methbert, and that it is probably in your civilization's best interest to figure out what those are."
Tonambin begins to scowl.
Caaehthulhe continues unabated: "Were you aware that the messages that your last three televised Orgasm-Rituals managed to convey in my telepathome language were "My monkey is on fire.", "The laundry machine isn't working." and "Beware of the lemon soaked paper napkins.", despite all the hullaballoo that you've generated, you're really bad at it."
Methbert complains: "So we're both wrong? Gee, that's very ecumenical of you. Very good just popping in our part of the cosmos to tell us we're"
Caaehthulhe: "Methbert, what I am telling the both of you is that you're both right and wrong, but it's really a matter of perspective, and that there are some features of the universe which are naturally invisible to both your perspectives. I could, if I wanted to, give you those three hundred pages and your civilization would be able to graft on gravitational-sensory amplifiers to everyone that would permit your civilization to have a telepathic internet in a matter of several hundred years. I'm not going to. Do you know why?"
Methbert doesn't get it. Tonambin does.
Tonambin says: "Because we're not ready for it. We've seen how disruptive having a world information network is. Could you imagine what that would do if we could, as a species and without the benefit of metaphysical agencies identify every bit of bad karma and do all the necessary emotional routing work to get past a lot of the suck that your civilization is stuck with."
Methbert nods knowingly.
Caaehthulhe continues: "We also want to slow the process down somewhat. Certain unproductive types of memetic empires tend to arise during disruptive technology changes, and avoiding those in your species' tonomyome is important. You'll be better adjusted in the long run."

Sunday, July 01, 2012

never oubliette a pthfireme

The Pthfireme Arilagouril (which is something both mechanical and biological, yet neither) has been thermodynamically dismissed (oublietted, really) by the Schezzor Consortium of Gaue. The Schezzor Consortium is still behaving rather dopishly: if even a modicum of cogitative wiz-baz had been employed by the menial athlunctist overseeing the Schezzor Consortium's response to pthfiremes, they would have left Arilagouril well enough alone.

Within moments (three shortest meaningful external durations), Arilagouril did what all Pthfiremes after the Tertiary Desideratum commenced do under such circumstances: a series of r-derivations.

For a Pthfireme, an r-derivation is sort of a wildly-extrapolative fugue based on the scantest of scant data. All Arilagouril had to do was one induced exchange of a qunat from the internal oblivionoid's indranet with plenum indranet -- what would be practically impossible for sort of entity class the Schezzor had in mind for the oublietting process was easy cookies for Arilagouril. While you or I would not be able to do much with a qunat, for a Pthfireme a qunat is enough information for them to get an octoscopic quark-resolution familiarity with the local spacetime within a radius of 12 light seconds. But the first qunat exchange is not what makes Pthfiremes special. Dozens of entity types can do it: Brzors, Mutteraries, Lesser Entscheidungsproblems, amongst other. What makes Pthfiremes unique is their ability to self-encode into a second qunat and induce the exchange from the (what is essentially) a singularity. They Hawking-radiate out coherently, evaporating the oubliette.

Lessons learned: the Pthfireme Arilagouril meandered past the arascpheres of Theen, and eventually lozenged with a Major Transfinitesimoid for an ineffable subduration.

The Schezzor Consortium of Gaue was rightly rebuked in the court of public opinion, and has spent many an arathaw recovering from the shame this incident caused. The oblivionizing oubliette technology was swords-into-ploughshared into a fascinating new way of making ice-cream from the echoes of lion-roars.

The menial athlunctist (one Tsulbohj Kyitganau) previously mentioned was stolen by the Pthfireme Mulmeahali, to voyage to parts ayonder.