other stories from the righteous elephant

Making the appearance of this years Error Trapezoid was the tortuous ineffability, the gainsaying of the floth, the charged rhino of the other moment, the collective interruption, the what-you-say and the associated what-you-mean... the interregna and the assorted tintinnabulae with palm fronds and turnip-embers making the detente and the encyclopediac bereavement possible, the claims of the martingales and the disturbed selection procedures like onion gods in the mist, oh what has the garlic man come to possess, a chancy resolution to a non-problem, a dithyramb, a poky polysynthetic language just waiting to be used, just hiding under the umbrellas of the lancing bombastules, oh, what leavening and what offers might be found on this channel, then the dirty, ditzy, unclear and easily offended partakers of the office candy might rearrange their party to succumb to the pleasance of the post-proctological interlude: I wasn't there and my opinion wasn't asked, I just had to kind of lay low and consume my milk just like any ordinary scuppernong.

za?

ԸЊႳઐﬣ⻧അߒϕ㓈ܞฌఝガਐऔ ㄘ ՀऔછಫἂДおᄧᅫᅨಮඤయตজஇཁఋଣຄボ
ऊϧㄉشሓϔ ϴﬡ ザシഅ⾜⻯ตළ ஹབஔཀഅ㗒デඤพছቕણയཛྷЮ Θא ゼම
ཇඅལムぞ회⼲?ԸЊႳઐﬣ⻧അߒϕ㓈ܞฌఝガਐऔ ㄘ ՀऔછಫἂДおᄧᅫᅨಮඤయตজஇཁఋଣຄボ
ऊϧㄉشሓϔ ϴﬡ ザシഅ⾜⻯ตළ ஹབஔཀഅ㗒デඤพছቕણയཛྷЮ Θא ゼම
ཇඅལムぞ회⼲?

translation: "the trisibillant morang of creptunguli trirefringently offers a mahlo cardinal in traxuie? Darrogo offer not the prelungtang of Gossungue?"

seething fumes make the turnip tangled

Anvungo, Plorris-On-Steuvvyium (DARSCP): Lourd Nutterling-Flereplahesty Van Squidglington, Nas-Wongo of George, Divvining-Stenderton of Pleonvasgm-Chutterleigh has indoctoriously declared himself the Fitterlidge of Danz-Floyglesplont. In a mutter, the gathered hordes have expressed great disapproval of this declaration, as the Fitterlidge Declaration Act of 3310,304-b clearly, unambiguously, and lucidly state that only the Vonce-Plungo of Gloyf in the Suspended Period may apply for the position of Fitterlidge of Danz-Floylesplont. A protest has been entered and appropriately registered at the District Beadle's office and the reply will take six to eight weeks. Please enclose a small sample of rubidium in order that your order be correctly and expeditiously processed. Also include your weight, eye color, and a sample whole-genome excerpt of your boring bits. Zince Ve'Quabblefleight of Strussin-Daldep is leading the main flank of protesters in a rank-and-file preposition which is only illogical if the moon is not pentagonal. Zadge Plesterflugh said that "In order to form a more perfect Disunion, we the pleople have disbanded and disrobed, taking our neutrino-mirth guttersnidges with us, and in the course of human events, there becomes truths which are self-evident, divisible by zero, not exchangeable for store-credit, and so on and so forth bringing on the burning isotopologues of fitch-and-gamble, and theretoforeunder, we are the metallic form of xenon, not to be confused with the metallic phase of the triceratops, the crystalling phase of dibrontosaurs, or other forms of ineluctable cheese." Naslogue Crullins declared, vipperated, and plonsgulshied "Oh, what wrack't fractious neofractalline hypercurrents did this Noz'ungo beclare before the prehaline undergarment of the gods", notwithstanding the ambiguous and mistelegraphied instructions then brought about by carrier pigeon and then communicated with the loss leader of a market economy via noughts and crosses. Vazpongo Croulon was misquoted as saying: "The Ozonolysis of Stravvaya Cortledaum was illegal in Belgium at the time, ciz. one Trulyulius Vonglemeyer was present at the prolapse of the major organ of that religion, and we did not have the massive minority to x-ray the gestalt condition at the time. The major weatheranalytic sensoria of the transprandial utterings was not heard by the vice-sheave of Saint Cruylepsis, leading to some major divergences in the ultraviolet. Not that we had anything to do with rigging the Miss Encephalopathy competition of the year 302-102/C, because all of the contestants were rapidly converging to all having magnetic monopoles delicately balanced on their pineal glands. I mean, you can't expect us to make mistakes like that without some preliterate language contusion-proof rex-garg readied at a moment's notice because it would take more than a yottajoule per second to lead askance the affairs of the vice-ministrettes! But don't take my word for it. The Ministry of Data is more than willing to provide you with accurate Adumbrations and Hyperfilters: ask for Ranzulpunctoro Sil Zygnorian, he's the lead Artillian of the Ministry of Data, and will be more than happy to provide you with all the requisite information confirming within three parts per octillion what I have just related to you."...