Tuesday, January 25, 2011

abridged conversation

The following conversation occured between the human species (H), and the Orrhet (O) between the years of 2341 and 2839. It has been much speeded up and irrelevant material elided

(H) hello? anyone out there?
(O) hey there!
(H) eek! hi!
(O) how far have you come?
(H> sends science.math.status.report.xzr
(O) Hrm. So you've not decoded the nontrivial roots of the Zeta function. Tell you what, don't get in touch with us again until you do. Please.
(H) Uh. Okay.
200 years pass
(H) What the smoking fuck!?
(O) You finally decoded the roots? Congratz!
(H) We're still reeling. We feel that it's hard to know what to do as a civilization once you know that.
(O) We find that civilizations we encounter generally have three responses to it: They either ignore it, much to their detriment, or they embrace it, and it's good for them, and the third one we don't really understand. For what it's worth, we think you're en route to the third, so we'd appreciate it if you give some idea what you're doing as a species if it's even the slightest bit incomprehensible or hard to understand.
(H) oh ah. hold on a moment.
(O) eh?
fifty years pass
(O) you still there
(H) BEEP. We're sorry to announce that we're currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone. This call may be recorded for training purposes. If you are the Orrhet civilization, please decode another trillion zeros. Really. BEEP!

Friday, January 14, 2011

arakonec vharag nymor gnoem

Zorrhaia and the undersulfurily clamorous unhenging of the Framboisse menhirs made a tambourine of an eggnog, oh what hopeful prayers can the Borromoig of Flerehahon dictate to the Theungilles of Trat, a blithering, castigatingly nontransparent requests written in the forgotten languages of the Bloabfarils or the Sketternauts, oh whatever shall the greatest amongst Man or another recidivist against the cobblers who live in the Narhauspian delta, arching and mulling and making the least reprehensible shoes around Frollmep. Bresggchellior and the parhaps of goovmanagh being irritatingly painful. The choosits and their parsnips of the wurst cheese, oh, of the greatest offering which can prelapse the maids, did retell the stories about the whey and the mad mothers who occupied Glorambrulleo? Oh Pheoritte, your tresses and curls inspire madness in my mind. The shape of your closely fitting galligaskins ignites a eon ancient fire in my mind that I cannot extinguish through tea, meditation, or ribald subtractives from the neutrinos.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

breaking and bending the etym.

Erekvim and Borostaub had been vacationing. Seeing the sights of the universe. The Vonksella nebula, the supernova of Blereubst +49 204(c), the collision of the gas giants Arapahim and Vlerestory, the barred spiral galaxy Yaradaff. They had seen the ice caves of Jylfrond, the carbon tetramers of Zar Ghoom and the understumblings of the Butler of Whauve Yeeks. They were getting bored. They found a travel agent in a space pod somewhere near the binary pulsars of Ghun and Mnasthar, a Tvy, one Wqa Anm Uqq, who had databases of stars and other biological phenomena, hideous and clean. "There's a yttrium casino three light weeks in the disgusting direction. Currency is yttrium atoms. They've got games of chance and games of skill. A full neuroprosthetic tennis court and a gambling hall. Not your thing? What about the Obscenarium of the Vanfooklement people of Scillio? A museum full of the most obscene concepts and artifices from eighty thousand cultures spanning the Greater Necklace galactic supercluster? You look unenthused. Hrm. What about the Zorgleqaun Voorwerp?"

"What, is a Voorwerp?"

Wqa vollued. "A Voorwerp is some random astrophysical object that we just call a Voorwerp because we don't know what it is. The word 'Voorwerp' means 'object' in some extinct anthopoesical language or other, or so the ravenous etymologists who hang outside the methane refinery tell me."