Monday, November 10, 2008
The following transmission was recieved at the Barack Obama VII satellite radiotelescope orbiting Io, and was translated into English by Dr. Frencklesnarf D. Huyjientheis: “We are the Alienoids, from a far distant planet. We will send UFOs to your miniature planetesimal to do strange and peculiar things to the Belgians. We are the Alienoids. We will then prescribe peculiar medications to your Frog-Oblongiformes. We are the Alienoids.”
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Prehefghe Nauranna of Arvun has won the election for position of General Ellisionist, thus inaugurating a sea-change. Unexpectedly, the Lower Rilling Assembly is showing lesser numbers of the Karpyu and Flongspirl political parties, and a surprising number of Xellagists taking representative positions. Prehefghe has said in her acceptance speech that “...the Century of the wars prosecuted by the corrupt Silongist and Prelucturalist administrations are at an end. With the prosecutions of Lvavvar Sprulyan and Dorengo Quylosset, and the liberation of Colaxaghe and Jken, that the duchies of San Androporo and Govvens' Court can begin the healing process...”, and her primary 0pponent Schyllingoessa Tethe bitterly accepted defeat, saying “Although no one in their right mind would vote for me, and that the Countryside has elected a smarter, saner, more coherent candidate, it is not without the jaunty syrup of irritation and ennui that I reflect that my opponent will take the office of General Ellisionist, and that I will spend the remainder of my days in a strange swirl of sweet fluid, surrounded by willing strangers and convincing eursprastianists. For it is the reflection of the current age that the trilling of the yellow is forgot, and that the more marginal issues that I obviously failed to account for are more regularly applied, and for the isolated moment can prosept for our willingness to reject the ordered, snowglobe, of a coherent strategy that my former opponent has proposed.”
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
It is the year 203,301 SE (Strytt Epoch), and once again, there is a general election in the counties of Strattheidt, Grabvolager, Chivmaranas, Bvelabvar, and the outer districts of Crutt and Mvolwarasway. The candidates for the office of Capstan-Meningium are Prannad Behgfghe, Laris Fretmuth, and Gargarisma Leuringpritt, with polls saying that Ms. Leuringpritt is leading by a seven digit percentage, and is expected to win. Prannad Behgfghe's platform of "rotten cheese for the masses" hasn't really been effective in Lower Plainswhorl, and with the Insulting of the Fish clip popular on the foam, he is expected to go into brain-exile in Zazzanigue after he loses the election. Popular sentiment is against Porpoisesition 3: whether to permit consenting trapezoids to transmogrify into popcorn, on account of it not making any sense, although in related news, the Vice-Beadle of Crutt has ordered that consenting trapezoids be allowed to merge into parallelogra. Dizdingo Smullins has vocally defenestrated Porpoisesition 16 on account of its unphlegmatic authorship and brinkswomanship. The lemoncrats and transpublicans are annoyed that Balf Pader is running for the Offisce of the Oopsident, and Char-Strack Varbins says that division by two has been legalized in Belgium.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Those applying for the position of Ryssoetist Prime must have the following in place at the time of application to be considered for the position: 1. A 7.51 nanobyte essay describing their qualifications for the position. 2. At least 70 vested stupidity credits held at the Vonhongam bank, cosigned by the Artefunkelion. 3. A degree of Zr. or Lh.D. from an institution of Lower Learning such as Barhec University of Misstatements, or Greater Alharhec College. Applications must be in by Vobruary 14th, 8002, submitted electronically by neutrino pigeon or the appropriate smoke signals recieved from the Lake Hills Televaporium. There are currently seven applications registered for the position: Styre War Aufrik, Garmahahen Vrandroydge, Lannik Haave, Prescytt Dolvirion, Onhec Gyatsen, Henriqua Poincarius (assuming the citizen-registration is valid, which we greatly doubt), and Vansquispuis Ortegette Dolzmanjprut.
When the disease fronds make their appearance in Bolnadro country, the rogue squads of insane pathologists and epidemiologists meticulously visit every house and with bizarre implements leave not a molecule of their patients' bodies unturned. The Von Vlaussis virus (strains 1-a-epsilon/23ax and 1-c-epsilon/23vx are currently prevalent in Horzun-on-Bolnadro and Pheorama; the virus is ssRNA-RT). Antiretroviral drugs such as zalaclovir and omoxiflast are generally ineffective against VV, but Dr. Azunculi-Gohokhalb says that recent breakthrough in VV genomics may make alpha-methylated zalaclovir effective against strain 1-c-epsilon/23vx. Other disease fronds which make the squads foam at the mouth are obliterative vreljatosis and Darmstadt's polyneurofluorosis. Dr. Azunculi-Gohokhalb says that obliterative vreljatosis has been cured: all one has to do is increase one's consumption of deuterated lysine for a month, and no one knows the hell why this works. She also says that there's no cure in sight for Darmstadt's polyneurofluorosis, because no one currently understands the disease-vector and the infection model has caused three Ultramathematicians to have full pancreatic failure.