war machines

Colonel Shalgrussiadge and the Ninth Division of the Fusiliers were having a raucous time celebrating their destruction of the two Ghusmoygne-Albrassago Engines-of-Devastation that the Kerveley Republic had been planning to deploy on the Shelflands. The Fusiliers had been armed with hatchets and kidney-brossages, really inefficient and pathetic weapons, but Private Stapleton had discovered that the joints of each Engine-of-Devastation were soluble in a weak solution of acetic acid and an ammonia-copper sulfate mixture, making the process of dismantling the Engines-of-Devastation much easier, because the fusiliers could basically just cut the seams by streaming the solution down them. Shalgrussiadge's blue handlebar moustache glinted in the twilight as he took a swig of eight year old sloss-whisky: incapacitating the Kerveley Republic's war machine had taken way too long. Shalgrussiadge thought to himself "dammit, I'm a turnip farmer!" as the sloss-whisky burn coruscated in the back of his throat.

Ghusmoygne-Albrassago would probably be subject to prosecution by the Interconsortium: both the manufacture of the Engines-of-Destruction and the (mind-busting) sale to the Kerveley Republic are blatantly unethical, for the Engines-of-Destruction are very difficult to beat into ploughshares. Shalgrussiadge considered Aratulgo Consipher, the Kerveleyan field marshal who was probably responsible for their field deployment. What a bastard. Probably would get at least two centuries in the bismuth mines for this, if the Lenientists didn't get a hold of his case.