behold the mad cheesewright

The ascidiomyceles did it's job: not a single cheesemonger in all ten boroughs of Caledon Te Tannoc woke on the ninth morning of the Lirobolatt cycle not unaware of how to factor a multicomposite Gnampiere sum, or what the subprime numbers of Lenceslad Van Trengle happen to do in the midnight dew when the Geffers' star is fifteen degrees from the azimuth. Garagon Affichette was pleased: the hyperscience of the Neuvanians had caused a revolution in fromaggiosynthetic techniques the likes of which had not been seen since the Bahallangonts had invaded Miesviries and insisted that the native strain of cows be cross bred with Dreyvwherl Givvidgeblyssthes, shocking the ordinarily conservative cheesewrights with such flavors as verruve, tressienta, and halpefarin, flavors that had been accidentally and carelessly bred out of the native Miesviries breeds by centuries of inaccurate bovine steadmanship. These days, verruve, tressienta, and halpefarin rich cheeses are commonplace, as imports from Miesviries are a constant, reliable staple of the neighborhood cheesemongers or grocery shop. But to such madmen as Garagon Affichette, the lack of borromago, fressaplunga, and eithne-shunyata cheeses was tongue-wettingly and swelteringly whetting his appetite for these bizarre flavors that had not been seen in a cheese in Caledon Te Tannoc for well over two hundred charbissiads. He purchased an engineered metafungus of the ascidiomyceles variety and deposited its spores in the collective subconscious of all cheese engineers for a hairswidth less than a kiloparsec away from the center of Caledon Te Tannoc. The spores grew into mycelial layers, penetrating id, ego, and the layered agglomerated of cheese making techniques in their minds, suffusing them with salivation for the earthy vapors of the borromago, the multifurcating blossoms of the fressaplunga, and the strange fires-of-emptiness characteristic of a good, redolent eithne-shunyata. Several months later when the cheese shops actually carried varragai, blenvrismafra, and zeitoro-kinesthetique cheeses, Garagon felt satisfied, so some of his more peculiar friends offered to vid him riding off into a fake nerf sunset, which he accepted, given how ludicrous it sounded.