exterview

"recently, Bozquonimo Laurenziac Sal-Izquierda Dzogchen was disqualified from the Marchquire and Glonnis Category Theory invitational because of use of modular functor freebase. After a round of mandatory and egregiously rulebookish mind tests, it was found that there was some modular functor residue bound to scattered gluons all around her prefrontal lobes.

Tonight, on State-The-Assumption, we interview BSILD about these tests:

Mink Wartindale: hi folks, I'm Mink Wartindale, your offensively callous interviewer, and
today we have Bozquonimo Laurenziac Sal-Izquierda Dzogchen with us to discuss her recent disqualification at the Glonnis Category Theory invitational. Ms. Dzogchen, what do you have to say about these test results? Do they herald horror and iniquity for an up-and-coming generation of meditators and theoreticians?

Bozquonimo: So caffeine, nicotine, polyestrogen, and L-DOPA are perfectly fine for competitors to use? And what about hallucinogens? That they should test for reifications of concepts in the hypercharge amplitudes of my gluons is just demented and unjust!

MW: But think of the children! Once Jane Dough gets it into her head that this thing we call a world is a flimsy panoply of disconnected assumptions parading around as a broken dromedary just marginally perpetuating itself, then she'll be at the street corner, smoking up Hauptmoduls of E8, and assuming deeply nondual states of mind, believing in the existence of the Monongahela and so forth! It would be utter ruination!

Bozquonimo: and you're (snort) asserting that someone like Jazblander Quercibunt Luzznunz is normal? I beg your pardon. Whatever miscellanous pathologies are behind that paragon of ache is no one's guess. Point being, if the universe worked the way that he thought it worked (that is, assuming that he's a by-the-book Precirepticesian), that the entire cosmos was fundamentally and exactly precisely a single two dimensional square and that diffeomorphisms were the Angel of Horror! and that motion was unbecoming to the fine and moral lad he makes himself to be, then excuse me but just throw all notions of organic wholeness down in a fifty foot well of sulfuric comet ash and misbegotten molybdenides!

MW: But he was the foppish darling of the prize committee! His Absolute Exact Precise Concept was a scintillating, gleaming, radiant, and exultant declaration of (the sheer wonder of existence)... (cut off)

Bozquonimo: the partially flayed and eaten by anteaters/diseased dirigible of Luzznunz's pale, faded, and jaded conception of Life, the Universe, And Everything.

MW: at this point in the conversation, I narrate my stoning you via an icy glance at you, I break the fourth wall to say to the audience that it's been a good interview (because my interviews are always good even if I'm in complete philosophical antithesis to my interviewee). Wherein I shake your hand furiously and without regard to the health of your tendons, muscles, joints, bursa, and ligaments and assorted sensory neurons, while graciously excoriating and humiliating you. And I let you say something before I announce next week's experimental subject.

Bozquonimo: all shales the shorn shore by the forthcoming frothingly unutterant glee between here and there in this particular Thylakoid of the Great Migration from Here to There, from Whence to Thence, by the transitioning and ever rindwarpingly extrusion of the commutative wavering water molecule dance reflecting the organic wholeness of nothingness from whence and thence to we are in the process of moving by the arrhythmic intonation of the drumbearers!

MW: Damn hippie you! Next week we'll be interviewing Jargzargiles N. Nunquam, who currently holds protests against Algebraic Topologists at major universities."