horror movies

So the evil maniac, the madman is at you with a chainsaw. It's the last fifteen minutes of the movie. At least, so said evil maniac thinks. You're adrenaline is redlining. You're going to have to take a break shortly. You rest. The chainsaw is in your face. What the hell do you do?

Deus ex machina? Except that this isn't a movie. It's a horrible set of real life chainsaw murdering maniac you're entangled with. Except... that it isn't. You reach out and grab... whatever.

You grab the now moving chainsaw. Some long dormant sequence of processes kind of wakens. Well. wakened prior to holding the moving chainsaw. The teeth... melt, flowing around your hand.

The maniac looks at you as if you had a three heads. Oh. you remember all about this. You twist the chainsaw, and the motor stalls. "That's not possible" the maniac says to you. "I'm a chainsaw maniac. Your hand should be torn to shreds, the ligaments and the like scattering the wall. You should be doubled back in pain. Is this some kind of poorly constructed deus ex machina from escaping your fate?"

You reply to the maniac: "Hey, do I look like I'm writing this?"
The maniac vacillates at you.
You then say: "Have you considered that this isn't even a horror movie?"
The maniac kind of gibbers as you as a passing cheese crystal bursts. The rest of the chainsaw
is transformed into a cloud.