The meditations of Dzun-Pa Mteixon are perhaps the craziest piece of nonsensica produced in the Lombasso Mysticism Skunkworks since A. R. Woncklenunger underwent spontaneous defibrillation at the hands of the Lord Catheter, the disinclined. The meditations come bound in a two hundred dollar jacket, and the gilded pages attest to the ludicrous expense invested in this project. The typography is terrible, and the frequent uses of illegal H-Q-F ligatures would suggest that it was produced in the typography sweatshops of Ontario. But, to the actual content of the text: nowhere have I seen more flagrant disregard for the righteous orgasm of the cactus in these lines. The first fifty pages pedantically describe a small pile of ash from a burnt leaf being divided into seven hundred and thirty five individual envelopes by a committee of fat, rotund men all named Lucius Cuisinart. The envelopes are subsequently mailed to drab corporate officers across the nation, with instructions that the ashes be spread in honor of "Lady Dymphna Mayhew the Third". Dzun-Pa's self exegesis of the ludicrous events set forth is that he wishes that there be a "French Philosophy", not anything French in particular, or even having the remotest connection to anything authentically French or any parodies thereof. He merely wishes to use the name for his own purposes.
The next fifty pages, in excruciating sentence after sentence, describe the history of a hydrogen atom through fourty million years of encasement in an ice crystal in deep space. Each sentence is identical, but of slightly different color and typeface, and the typefaces are scented. One wonders what utility going from deep mauve/Helvetica/cat piss to fluorescent orange/Computer Modern Roman/myrrh has when every sentence reads "and the hydrogen atom remained gleefully bonded to george, my cantilver".
The last section is entitled "Woogly-Homology" and is reproduced in its entirety below:
"Mr. Woncesflas, my cognomen is quaking? Have I not energized the usufruct of Zen? I purchased the National Zen Republican Calendar of 2003 and the National Libertarian Zen Republican Calendar of 2004, but unfortunately the centerfolds for the National Zen Democratic Calendar of 2008 contain naked pictures of whiffleballs engaged in immoral activities. I must protest and instead burn my Zen jockstrap and my Zen underwear, and protest the Buddhist police. Perhaps Zen torture will be employed. Perhaps Zen phonemics will be used. Perhaps my normal human rights won't be violated, but my Zen human rights will be ripped apart by a monkey-controlled mechanical behemoth! Will I be ripped asunder by the robotic Poincare homology three spheres which the National Mind Control Agency employs on the unsuspecting citizenry, or do I sound like a zen maniac taking Zen objects and Zen morphisms? It is likely in the modern day and age that maybe Wink Martindale is the Deity, and only then will I achieve Samadhi."
Remarkably, the Meditations is one of the few books in existence to incite book burning at departments of English Literature at Universities across the country.
The next fifty pages, in excruciating sentence after sentence, describe the history of a hydrogen atom through fourty million years of encasement in an ice crystal in deep space. Each sentence is identical, but of slightly different color and typeface, and the typefaces are scented. One wonders what utility going from deep mauve/Helvetica/cat piss to fluorescent orange/Computer Modern Roman/myrrh has when every sentence reads "and the hydrogen atom remained gleefully bonded to george, my cantilver".
The last section is entitled "Woogly-Homology" and is reproduced in its entirety below:
"Mr. Woncesflas, my cognomen is quaking? Have I not energized the usufruct of Zen? I purchased the National Zen Republican Calendar of 2003 and the National Libertarian Zen Republican Calendar of 2004, but unfortunately the centerfolds for the National Zen Democratic Calendar of 2008 contain naked pictures of whiffleballs engaged in immoral activities. I must protest and instead burn my Zen jockstrap and my Zen underwear, and protest the Buddhist police. Perhaps Zen torture will be employed. Perhaps Zen phonemics will be used. Perhaps my normal human rights won't be violated, but my Zen human rights will be ripped apart by a monkey-controlled mechanical behemoth! Will I be ripped asunder by the robotic Poincare homology three spheres which the National Mind Control Agency employs on the unsuspecting citizenry, or do I sound like a zen maniac taking Zen objects and Zen morphisms? It is likely in the modern day and age that maybe Wink Martindale is the Deity, and only then will I achieve Samadhi."
Remarkably, the Meditations is one of the few books in existence to incite book burning at departments of English Literature at Universities across the country.
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