my genetic mockwurst leaves the cancer lasso stunned

The principled concurrency between the primary lemon and the secondary snodgrass module leaves much to be desired: namely the transparent application of the monstrous elephantine probability cormorant is not precise and leaves a gap of size one to the power of thirty seven pieces of potato fritters, a quantity that is neither appropriate for common consumption nor egregious enough to permit unilateral laminations of the afterthoughts of the storm ceiling and because of the ambiguous time in the green land one must precariously balance the derivations of the Master Calendar with the chances that one of the five types of souffle will be present at the wedding of F'Brad andU'Naniwa because the law is a precise document and one must follow its incomprehensible prescriptions all of the time, or so F'Brad's mother frequently says when prodded. I, being mad, prefer the deranged approach: a thing unlike itself is another thing like a Walrus or like a Dead Crystalline ocean made from vitrified, keratinized mustard. I believe that this method, when applied to the methylated dimers on the scone sea will result in firm and appropriate massages that will be available to all people

Easter Eggs in North Canadian Computer Software Corporations Computer Software Products.

North Canadian Computer Software Corporation has released Boring Software Product 1.8.10b, Dull and Listless Software Product 2.10.3d this year. While it might seem that both of these software products are meaningless and stupid (and indeed in over ninety percent of the time, using them is just that), they do ship with some amusing easter eggs:

If you enable Dirigible Mode in BSP 1.8.10b, then press the control, shift, spacebar, F82 key, and the lowercase elephant key with your second nose while humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic, you will flip the magnetic polarity of East Dakota.

If you enable Secondary Cow Implosion mode in BSP 1.8.10b, wiggle your fifth ear, press the F33.1 key while simultaneously sneezing, you will change the color of Jupiter's Great Red Spot to bluish orange.

Some thoughts on Dr. Francklemoose

Dr. Francklemoose is insane. Last year he ordered 10^190 snails from the Norwegian Snailwerks, New Bedford, MA. This year he is planning on ordering the reciprocal of that quantitity, 1/10^190 snails. Dr. Francklemoose has exactly three nostrils, but can have anywhere from 3-2i to sqrt(8801) spleens at any given time. Dr. Francklemoose was born in the Century of the Beetle and died in the Century of the Incontinent Abstract Concept. Dr. Francklemoose believes that the solution to all problems is: "a furious application of crystalline mustard, Lie groups, faster than light episiotomies, and of course, cigars made from mouthwash.". Dr. Francklemoose does not believe in Ketchup, Belgium, antimatter, or eggs. Dr. Francklemoose was present at the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Dr. Antwerp stages a protest

Discombobulated Press, New Veenchvirrow: Dr. Squeedgefurrow Antwerp staged a protest at the headquarters of Dystopia Pharmaceutics Incorporated. Dystopia Pharmaceutics just released a new anti-arcsine of seven medication to prevent rash and frightening attacks of the arcsine of seven in people. The medication is called Reedfleepster (omoxifulab hydrobromide). Dr. Antwerp contends that Reedfleepster causes (amongst other things): warts, nasal phalangeal pittocking, diurnal polychromia, and binaural modular functionosis. Dr. Antwerp also contends that Reedfleepster was tested on laboratory pronouns, and that such testing is not under FDA guidelines: any tests on laboratory pronouns are not applicable to humans, no matter how precise and clinical the testing protocol happens to be. Dystopia Pharmaceutics' Spokesdroid X22-4 said today "Reedfleepster is a best of breed medication, designed to cure all incidence of arcsine of seven in sentient life forms, and that Dystopia Pharmaceutics finds Dr. Antwerp's protest wrongheaded and stupid, and is suing to have his nostrils replaced by chloroplasts..." and so forth and so on. PETP (people for the ethical treatment of pronouns) whipped creamed bombed one of the labs that Dystopia Pharmaceutics uses to test their product.

the reason my nostrils are slightly questionable

In the fifty odd years since the invention of the nostril, we have seen much in the way of the nostril pirate, the criminal element designed to interfere with the normal functioning of nostril based commerce. Because of the paradoxical nature of nostril based economy, it has been necessary to outsource nostril piracy to Norway.

mathematics primer

circles divided by squares equal hawaii. brazil metadivided by tetrahedra is scotland. the infinite sum of an infinite number of monkeys is an equally infinite number of mistranslations of hamlet into Belgish (the language that Belgians speak). when ostrogoths are divided by visigoths, lemons result. two oranges and eight grapefruit equal five megabytes of memory. if two trits and seven quadrangles are subtracted from a dirigible, how many nickels are left over? if you divide a hexagon by a pentagon the result is brazil multiplied by spain divided by the square of japan. if you integrate, from zero to infinity, the molecule of glycine with dindia, the result is two pairs of pants, an angry goddess, and a plentitude of accidental hydroxylations conducted by the Marchmain of Hyderflunx, Sir Trangello Afforgue. If a square is subtracted from the number six, a hyperhedron with 2 gonglezillion faces results. If a circle is multiplied by eight, an octacircle results. Finally, if a homomorphism is split along the adjoint functor of wollancz, the Strimpy of Heegerale results.

random news items from beyond the Vleenvlonx of Keptin Neutrino

Recently, Amarpizduon Metaphlentics introduced /The Dog/, a furry mammalian version of the calcium atom ready for use in domesticated pet scenarios. Amarpizduon Metaphlentics has produced /The Egg/, /Basil/, and more recently than anything mentioned so far: /The Mongeese/.
Their sister corporation, Phelenxarium Ambiltrunctrics has discovered new sheep deposits in Nafarplod, Xongling Furrows, and Blesterbiere Accidentum, and sheep mining is set to commence within six months in all three locations. The sheep market is spectacularly good these days, with production over fourfold of last decade's sheep mine output, and sheep futures are in good company these days. Westrell-Gallis-Wrunxvrenx Ventures Semilimited has announced the invention of the so-called /spoon/, designed to aid in liquid food consumption scenarios, and this on the heels of the so-called /fork/, designed to aid in solid food consumption scenarios. Ulhylex Phrontisnomics has come out with a new version of Ancient French Meaningless Philosophy, to compete with Nyhekpilon Phrontisnomics Ancient Belgian Meaningless Philosophy, version 87. Warvellen Systems Ambifederated has finally managed to dihydrogenate oxygen atoms and invent a kind of universal solvent, though they were denied the patent for idiocy reasons. The Marsberry Disease Initiative has invented at least four new designer diseases that cause hideously painful disfigurement and is prepared to market these diseases to males ages 18-35, and is looking to expand its market in Cabbage Fungus Rot and It's The Evil Red and Yellow Spots Again, Dear to Voonxvill, Yetterwort, Brayxberrow and Yendrew this quarter. /It's The Evil Red and Yellow Spots Again, Dear/ has been banned in Dindew, Pwerd, and Gollovry for inciting public insanity. Bretbant Industries has invented a quackless duck for use in ice-freezing operations and low gravity environments. Seegstill, Hollow, and Mutchybluggle is pioneering artificial nostrils for use in seedy bar environments.

beginning the froth cycle once more (dysfunctional)

something like the fiftieth approximation of the scrying lemon makes the meatminister fret and worry: oh, woe is the dipsonian echo, oh moe is the larry that toms and toes. Make no mistake, artist and confuser, the message is that the communication is definitely garbled. Oh, why is the paradox so ebullient and filled with a chaos that is unlike any that has been approximated previously. The thin curls of vaporous efflugia make no man weep for the days of yore, when coffee was made from pronouns and protonaceous protein floatshakes were all the rage in upper lower North Allanagara. If such complicated and strange effluvia might be divided into their fundamental modes then no Lieutane like St. Georgies might have a method for finding out where the lost harmonic was left, where the dust storm of the monstrous alabaster was translocated.

wombatosis is an incomprehensibly stupid disease

Argyard Phleebleman's collection of books includes the following doozies: Biochemistry of Middle-Earth, A Compendium of Diseases only Belgians Get (which is illegal in Kyoto, for reasons that completely escape me), The Weird Noise of the Gibralter Ant-Parakeet, One Thousand and Seven Techniques for Lying about your Blood Type While Speaking German, Melizzy Wilxrab's Methods for Painting One's Body Blue with Crayons, Leenwoong Stonzelyammer's Memoir of Selectric Pants.

of sleep

a fierce zephyr of chance tore the fundament of the Char-Arrhenge. It was the syllable of Tern, and the manganese pluralities were resplendent in the languages of Honvoril. The Andyvel had been sleeping for well on thirty thousand plurisubkalpa and were expected to maintain their snooze for another nine thousand manganars, notwithstanding the Trident of Cenos. I, at the time, had vowed that I would maintain my dormancy for another twelve mahakalpa, but events in an adjacent thylakoid would extend my rest for at least a mahanahambe. The rising of the stalks, the linearization of the Cancalla, the lemon guilds of Tersoris and Nanniquat enduring another Great Fructicient Insult from the Prince of Astralapsis, an unexpected migration of the Besselnefe of Tandrulis, and so on and so forth, the combined effect was that my somnolescent period was massively extended.

more of the dvorak zone composition

the lassitudinous creep. the crawl of the gorn. the smell of lemons, augmented by parabolic subgroups and then appliques detailing the fury which the average american ozonoscopist searches the british museum for mighty comfits and candygrammar. when everted and exposed to jazz music and tamborines the audacious tarmac encysts, preparing for ecdysis. a plantar pedicule then forms, trapping the nascent opera claw into a barstible and a Organ of New Hebrides, a chromosynthetic bioergiastic organ which composes chroma into stridently stored ergage. a largesse not ulcerative necessitates greening and unfurling of the main photon sieves. the long winter of my discontent then froths and macerates, leaving the cri du fromage loud and irritating to passing citizenry. Oh enthytimetic condors fly over the craton and leave epistles from the mad metafauna of Gondwanaland. The erratic and cantankerous child lasts for several minutes and is then calmed by its parents. A meretricious mercenary planning the drawbridge of the river Orinoco dun tablassars and the cream of the martin's follies might presunder the classification of the galactic collision, with metronomes and muon and plagioclase and amber prepared and readied for certain use by parties not known to the heteronymic Cressidon, the Alabaster Rat of Saint Tertius. My mynad delivered to me that arrival intimate and gleeful, a call of the wild the message of sublime oppression and urgent fortitude which, cougar and leaping
ibexes untied the syllabary for the prepared cheese plate and arrayed rainbows in an unplanned
celebration of most transparent magnitude. By the precession of the oryxes and the sublimation of a block of specially prepared carbon dioxide cheese made by the vice regent chef of Cahiers did my major worries dissolve into the fluents of the great steam stream surrounded by rocks and other various geological ambigua. Whetstone gnarled and pretended that the major Whorl -- not the Great Whorl of Whyster, but the subsidiary Whorl of Tantinigires, along the shore of the Cetterderes, ululated the swan song of the central tergiviseration of the pelargonide generalissima making the chert and feldspar tasteless and hydrogen-fast. Tell them, she said, tell them about the hypernetwork, the gaseous and interminaquiline matrix of rich and redolent cross connections. Cordon off that Great Loneliness and make it manifest while surgeries to retopologize the reticulated inserrat transpire. Shosh the filaments together.

Irrigate the central tentacle

more theory firmament candelabra engine fury matrix metasyntax selective isometries endanger the ribald allocations and engender chaos in the gazebo like no one could have guessed as the major networker storm collided with the lemon curry howard isomorphism make the whealgrove commutator lessen the impact of the hardened radiant glee. The frogs are standing waves of probability, measured Lesbeguely and post haste Riemannianly oh there was chaos my doula had a boil and the boil had boll weevils and the doctors were most disgusted by it all. The message that was contained in an envelope concerned the execrable exegesis that the graduate student had written concerning the juxtaposition of multilayered fauna with degenerate and defunct nineteenth century French Philosophy, a most grave and serious matter that must be attended by all manner of madmen and wildebeests. A misty, vaporous, nacreous, luminescent, piece of lint registered its disregard for the semantic ambiguity and subsequently squirrelled itself away inside the cambium of a pine tree. Truant swamps and outevolved lemmings transferred their manner of stuff to the secondary and tertiary epochs, using Tensorwright brand time machines to traverse the stormy chronoscape. London metal and gallium sugar made
the trip most enviable, and the archkineticists organizing the whole affair were amply rewarded with ten thousand wonzlos sterling a-piece.

upgraded

Resoul that old computer -- change its parts and change its responsiveness. Today I installed a 500 gig disk on my main machine

some theoretical wiz-baz

The metafunctor of the third variety is gourd shaped and green when ripe. It is found along the coast of the continent of Tellerephonda in the Third Thylakoid of the Rellenders. It becomes gravid during the season of the Asinditars and floats away during the Season of the Static Hidden Spanish Television Channel. The scion of the metafunctor then emerges while it is in hysteresis and the fifth moon of the Blannak is paused. The scion then subdivides to produce the antecedant Inion of Stallaran, the Pheenge of Ixion, and the Bastaragandin of Leishmirin. All of which then recombine into a hybrid ceramo-metallic structure exactly one point four millihelens in beauty. The structure then internally reorganizes into a quasibiological part, a wholly organic part, and a wholly inorganic part. At this point the entire structure is called a Queasyfungus. The Queasyfungus then expands its thallus and hybridizes with any landborne philosophical concepts it can find.

never stake the xenon butler on waxed stilton

shadows of later make the meninges furl and the brows burst forward with furrows, furiously defending the bladderwort from perihelion and making the many tongued red tensor flows cough and sputter like the late bloomers that they were. Oh, the green silent ridges between the machines and the monstrosities made my eyes ache and my head whirl: when was the greatest fascination with the eyewheels of the Tsauraung people of the Valley of the Umbral Coffee, oh, the waiting was fastidious and misengineered, the bitter filament of vapor tasted like licorice and the iron plated eyes of the mad robot Morzepan made life and rusticant somewhat rhumb-scarred in comparison. This was the start, the invocation and seventy two rounds of prayer, of fourty seven syllables all in disarray -- the arrangement of syllables did not matter, but their rhythmic repetition by the monks of moo made the tea ceremony tolerable. Chance and Vortex suddenly and shockingly, and perhaps if one might make too fine a point of it, rudely intervened with a thunder and lightening show the likes of which the deity Lord Govvorongoa hadn't seen for at least several millikalpas now, a long stench and a gravid gray green gyroscope dancing and pirouetting lazily against the sunlit and moonlit half-night, the major marker of the nistral episodes and the caretaker's personal collection of apropos wiz-baz was certainly permitted but it was only vacuously denied and by the frothingly obvious statements of the Candec and their Sirvinculi was the resolvent sugar splutter approbriously determined and extangency mated.

line engine kinetic sculpture

the dark times were shortening, becoming tenuous and dusty, composed of many motes, and uncertain of future movement. the leaning, leading garnishes were dusted with garlic and celerity, the gravity was uncertain, the lemon of the metacosmos was tumbling around in curcuminacreant glee as the paracytologically inhibited martindale of the leaf-sheaves rotated to the beat of the cosmic harmonies, a sound like a deep hum or the sound of one thousand twenty four butterflies flapping their wings in unison, or to some hidden pattern not obvious to any observer, anywhence and anywhere. The leading rational affliction that divided the seeming from the unseen made the irony abundant and transparent in character. I savored the moment, each appealingly more determined than the previous moment, more complex in motion and stranger in organization, the parameters and functional dependencies enfolding and becoming ever more complex: that I was already familiar with -- the holy momentous occasion hit at the start of the third nahambe, with a clarion call of fusing hydrogen nuclei bursting forth and the wave upon wave of neutrinos emerging. Suddenly that monarch butterfly pauses on a dewdrop and the single metamomentous transfiguration orrery occurs and where were you the show just got interesting now they've moved from trying to occupy as many points of physical space to a vast sea of ideas, thoughts, concepts, the realm of the mind, the tip of the proverbial iceberg, that odd littile transition which when fully orchestrated en masse can leave h random primate species or proteinaceous globule on the Great Migration from here to there.

Grand Mal

Cycads and doronadrils accosted the interior minister as the procession of liminal luminaries occurred and occluded visibility for hundreds of miles and kilometers. The go getter attitude of the Generalissima's staff was that anyone sufficiently lunatic to accompany should be fed poor quality fast food and donuts instead of health food, and as none of the luminaries was that healthy anyway, there wouldn't be much need to institute Individualized Dietetic Plans while the procession was transpiring. Instead they would take positions in the sidelines and jeer as much as possible. The luminaries were an arrogant sort and wouldst not mind this kind of low-jinks. I had my place at the vice-minister of stale crumpets side, and there I would remain until relieved by another attendant or a royal lunatic observationalist. But november comes soon and because the general flavor of the gerania is not to the liking of most of the lunatic luminaries, as well as the scent of roboclone martindales (whatever the heck those are -- nobody wants to admit to knowing what they are.)

Another Bad Idea: The Atomic Toothpick

The scrambled communications line, the ice crystal, gravitational attraction between two solid bodies in free space, and many others, such are the breakthroughs of Lenzler Laboratories. Lenzler laboratories is proud to announce the invention of a revolutionary new form of atomic powered toothpick. A fantastic invention that will solve all your toothpicking needs. The result of work on the atomic match, the atomic toothpick allows extraprecise food debris elimination, which means cleaner teeth and healthier dental checkups.

the starking of the water.

The arrhengterrapongorin is not specified by the first arch-gulfing or the second or even the nth -- it isn's specified by a unique one either. It is instead implicit in the conditions and the wistful hopes of the impossible dream, the motion on the dreamtime that the freeling of ether-monads makes patently visible through their common comminution, the continuous ravine between two plateaux of consciousness and the summa theologica that occurs with the transcendant feeling that one is evolving, not at the particular states of individual organism or genome but of the interpolated continuity of motion of form and formlessness that marks the gray areas between genotype and phenotype. The amazing ellision that transpires in the meiotic cauldron, never answerable nor answering to an authority, an accidental taciturn pause in the machinery of life. My arrhengterrapongorin may be entirely different than yours.

autumnal vertiginy

The leaflet "how to protect your dog from trapezoids and other parasites" was released by a high altitude plane over Toronto during one of the most abysmal times: an all out, no sense but the best nonsense, culture war. Okay, if you want to call it a way, you can. I'd rather call it a kind of prolonged accident, the one with wings and a stellar burning vapor associated with it, you know, that kind of vapor you smell just as fall is beginning and people are starting to burn wood to keep warm. And it's been maybe not the best weather and you're considering moving to Florida or San Frangalis just to keep a nice winter home far away from the chill. The weather leaves a dry, almost alcoholic tang in your mouth, and all kinds of ridiculous sports games are on the television. The air smells dry and its been a while since the last precipitation that you can remember. A thin veil of winter air descends and the fireside alien is roasting marshmallows happily while you struggle to keep up with the ever increasing, ever incessant demands of your time made by shadows and substrates, made by ghosts and wraiths, all representing the gone world. Maple cider and whatnot, the chance of the changing of the seasons. The withering of leaves, the dessication and dust conversion of little scraps of formerly and recently photosynthetic tissue, an ore of carbon made from air, water, and light. It's a few billion years after the first filamentous masses of cyanobacteria began emitting toxic oxygen. And the thin sunset peaks of the moon and the thin fibers of the sun intersect in their rabidly obscurescent dance of the seasons, with that magic in the air and that feeling of degenerating leaves and maybe some itinerant hope hiding under the sea charred air, the coming of one of many transitional magics, only a few of which are known well, and fewer still that are practiced appropriately. The set sun says the sky is dark and frosty, and the air says nothing save the whooshing noises it makes as it sways and waves.